Monday, May 24, 2010

Drama? not so much...

Firstly, my ego got the better of me Friday night at the choir concert. His mom and someone (siblings?) seemed to be saying something like "is that her?" when he was talking about E, who plays piano for the choir, and then something like, "no, can't be, because she's married". Which made me wonder if he'd been talking about me. You know, in that way. Or maybe just that my name came up in conversation a lot. Or something. Cuz, you know how that is. When someone keeps talking about someone else, but then, when you ask them directly, they're all, "why would you think I like him/her? It's not that, it's just that he/she is so helpful/talented, that's all."

See? I told you my ego stepped in for a visit. (And don't even think that my nattering on about him in my blog means for one second that I'm actually "interested". I'm just really trying to be open to a possible possibility. Even though, given all the possibles there may be, this one may not be what it is I think I'm looking for. Which I can't really know unless I get to know him.)

Saturday, I was late to the cast party (it started at 3pm, we didn't get there until 4:30ish. I was at my moms, things needed doing, I left when I could), and he wasn't there anyway. (or was he there earlier, but left because I wasn't? yeah, because I matter that much. sure.)

Pretty sure one of the kids texted or called him to tell him I was there, so he could come and not feel weird about being the adult in the group. (no proof here, this is just what my own head says was going on)

I felt like some of them were watching my reaction when he did show up. (Internal reaction: very slight "spark", if you get my meaning - but that would just be because I'd built it up in my head, I'm sure.) But it was dark (theater room, watching our play), and I'm sure that was just me, feeling paranoid. The student next to me got up to give him his chair. Which he did not take.

After it was over (only a small part of he and I on stage after the show; it cut off, but not before we could all see how wide my backside really is, and how non-committal that hug was), we went upstairs to play games and whatever.

He plays with the kids, because he's like that. I am not like that. I watched. Except I did join in on a game of dice. woohoo.

Not one word, not even the slightest indication of any interest.

I showered, I put on makeup, I even applied perfume. I wore this very cute pair of brown high-heeled sandals. I made white chocolate caramel apples. I smiled, I laughed, I tried to make conversation.

And it got me no-where.

(one of the kids, the same one I suspect texted him earlier, asked me how I made my caramel apples. I almost directed her to my blog, but then I thought better of it. yikes.)

My office mate says she's going to have to step in for me. That I'm being stupid. She says I should just call him up and ask him out to dinner. But I have a really good reason not to. Seriously.

Those who know me will probably agree with this.

If a guy is going to have any chance of surviving a relationship with me, he will at least have to muster up the courage to ask me out in the first place. He's going to need every chance he's got to show me he deserves respect, and if I'm the one that does the asking, that makes me "in charge". I'm just mean like that.

(I still say it's unclear whether he already did ask me out. Except, I guess, since what he said ("Hey, want to come to a Luau?") was basically a derivative of "Will you go to dinner with me?", maybe I'm just saying that, because then I'm not a dork. (am I losing this argument?))

(if he reads this, and he was considering asking me out (again?), will this post put him off?)

1 comment:

Michelle said...

hmmmmm. I would ask him out, too. Just to see. But I see your point, too. ????? I'm no help. I just want you to figure out if he's a possibility worthy of interest. If you can't get even that far...then what? wonder? wait?