Can I tell you something?
I'm a little distracted these days.
Some exciting things are happening at work. Which means that I'm working some extra hours, and I've less time for stuff like blogging.
Also, I'm a bit twitterpated. Finding it difficult to concentrate and collect my thoughts.
We'll just have to see how it goes.
Showing posts with label myself. Show all posts
Showing posts with label myself. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
the answer is YES, always always always YES
I could've been the girl that moonwalked, or the girl that thought moonwalking was cool, or possibly the girl that tripped over her own shoes while trying to moonwalk.
I was none of those things.
While at Miramar for the Friday Night Activity at the conference, nearing the time we were supposed to board the buses to return to the hotel, some fellow attendees and I emerged from the back room and found our way to the main area, from which we'd been hearing a preponderance of 80's music throughout the evening.
There was a dance floor.
And on that dance floor, there were a bunch of computer programmers and accountants (How do you tell if your accountant is an extrovert? He looks at your shoes while he's talking to you, instead of his own.), paying no attention whatsoever to the tour directors trying to get everyone to board the buses, but instead, getting their groove on while the camera crew went wild capturing this unheard of activity. (Give a bunch of introverts a little alcohol, and watch the fun begin! (except for those of us that don't drink, like me))
They were all having so much fun, they beckoned everyone to come and join them. Including me.
I was none of those things.
While at Miramar for the Friday Night Activity at the conference, nearing the time we were supposed to board the buses to return to the hotel, some fellow attendees and I emerged from the back room and found our way to the main area, from which we'd been hearing a preponderance of 80's music throughout the evening.
There was a dance floor.
And on that dance floor, there were a bunch of computer programmers and accountants (How do you tell if your accountant is an extrovert? He looks at your shoes while he's talking to you, instead of his own.), paying no attention whatsoever to the tour directors trying to get everyone to board the buses, but instead, getting their groove on while the camera crew went wild capturing this unheard of activity. (Give a bunch of introverts a little alcohol, and watch the fun begin! (except for those of us that don't drink, like me))
They were all having so much fun, they beckoned everyone to come and join them. Including me.
But did I hop onto that dance floor? Oh, no. I did not.
Unlike my friend there (Joy? I'm no good with names. But she was really nice.), I just couldn't seem to make myself get out there.
Instead, I hung at the edges, grinning at the spectacle, and trying to make myself forget my insecurities.
Then, a Michael Jackson song comes on. Billie Jean. And they are all dancing in a big circle, choosing one after another victim to come to the center and show off their best MJ moves. I'm watching, waiting for someone to at least attempt to moonwalk, but nobody does.
"This is my moment," I say to myself. (I did Drill Team in HS, and we did indeed learn to moonwalk, and used it in a routine. Not something that often comes up, but when it does, I usually show off my moves.)
But, no. My natural shyness is winning the battle. Anxiety takes over. I wonder if my shoes wouldn't glide properly on the wood floor. I consider taking my shoes off, but realize that my stockings may be a bit damp, owing to the rain that night. I hesitate.
And then the song is over. And I'm in agony, because I can't believe I didn't just jump on in with the rest of them.
How lame can I be?
Disappointed yet?
It gets worse.
I promise myself that if another MJ song comes on, I will not hesitate, I will just glide onto the dance floor and do my thing. None of these people know me. I will probably never see any of them again after the conference, so what am I worried about?
(When you travel, you can be anything you want to be. You can try new things, and it won't matter if you don't like them, because nobody you know saw it happen, so nobody has to know but you. For all these people know, this is how you always are. You can either be boring and forgotten, or fun and memorable. Either way, no harm done. Besides, you might find out you like whatever it is.)
I am telling myself all of this while standing, still grinning stupidly, at the edge of the dance floor.
One of the programmers (or tech support guys, not sure), we'll call him Deconflicted (funny story from the bus ride to Miramar), he sidles up to me, (and yes, he's cute. adorable even. and funny.) almost leans into me (but from the side, shoulder to shoulder), and says, "I haven't seen you out on the dance floor yet."
Clearly, this is my chance. This is where I can strip off my insecurities along with my jacket, and just get out there and have fun. My inner "fun girl" is jumping up and down, cheering - yes! you just got a second chance! nobody gets a second chance! go for it!
Instead, I hear myself saying, "Yeah. I'm already so far out of my comfort zone, just trying to meet new people and all, I'm just not sure I can do it."
And what does Deconflicted do? Does he grab my hand and pull me out there anyway?
Alas, no. He's just as introverted as I am, so he just nods, lets it go.
AAAAAUUUUUGH!
It is a full hour from when we set out to get on the bus before they finally pull the plug on the music (literally! they were packing up lights, speakers, etc - but until the music stopped, these people just weren't going to leave).
I stood there for an HOUR, grinning stupidly, and NOT DANCING.
I know.
Next time, I'll do better.
Next time, I'll remember the travel mantra that makes every trip I take, no matter what the destination, no matter what the company, that much more fun and memorable.
Just say YES!*
Someone wants to take you to their favorite sushi restaurant, but you're not sure if you really want to eat raw fish? Get over it. Say yes, and then let them order for you, too. Tapas? (what the heck is that?) You bet! Would you like to go see this band you've never heard of? Of course!
I promise, if you didn't like it, whatever it was, nobody is going to make you do it again. But chances are, you WILL like it.
I generally do.
If I ever, ever, for whatever reason, get to go out of town for another conference, I promise, I will not be that girl grinning stupidly at the edge of the dance floor, forgotten before the conference is even over. No, that won't be me.
Instead, I'll be that girl who moonwalked. Even if they don't play any MJ.
*to clarify, yes, it is okay to say no when it conflicts with your personal morals. I don't accept alcoholic drinks, or mind-altering substances, and I'm not your girl if you're looking to "hook up"
Friday, February 25, 2011
To: Tall, Dark, & Scruffy
I noticed you even before I entered the cafe.
As I walked by the window on my way in, my eyes were drawn immediately to you, though I was searching for other, more familiar, faces.
You continued to draw my attention as the night wore on. I know I laughed more, smiled more, because I hoped you were watching me. (Were you?)
When you walked out to wander among the stacks, I noticed that you first walked behind me (and the rest of the ladies) instead of taking the shorter route through the magazine racks. You came back the same way.
I caught sight of you as you wandered, and I tried to catch your eye, so I could smile at you.
(Should I have wandered out, too? Found some excuse to leave my group?)
Then.
Then you left. And your friend? the one with the hand-knit hat? (The hat was recognized by a few of us - we know the pattern.) He gestured to his hat, made hand-motions like he was knitting, and winked. (I think he winked. I didn't see it.) But you? you just walked away.
I'm there every Thursday. If you come again, I might be brave enough to talk to you. I might even give you my number.
I wish I'd been bold and spoken to you. (Would that have been too much?)
Come again? (Please?)
Signed: Sheepish at Barnes & Noble
As I walked by the window on my way in, my eyes were drawn immediately to you, though I was searching for other, more familiar, faces.
You continued to draw my attention as the night wore on. I know I laughed more, smiled more, because I hoped you were watching me. (Were you?)
When you walked out to wander among the stacks, I noticed that you first walked behind me (and the rest of the ladies) instead of taking the shorter route through the magazine racks. You came back the same way.
I caught sight of you as you wandered, and I tried to catch your eye, so I could smile at you.
(Should I have wandered out, too? Found some excuse to leave my group?)
Then.
Then you left. And your friend? the one with the hand-knit hat? (The hat was recognized by a few of us - we know the pattern.) He gestured to his hat, made hand-motions like he was knitting, and winked. (I think he winked. I didn't see it.) But you? you just walked away.
I'm there every Thursday. If you come again, I might be brave enough to talk to you. I might even give you my number.
I wish I'd been bold and spoken to you. (Would that have been too much?)
Come again? (Please?)
Signed: Sheepish at Barnes & Noble
Friday, December 3, 2010
on a more personal note - updated x 2
I'm trying to find myself a date for my company party, (a company whose name I shall not mention here, because they've just "reminded" us we're not supposed to be talking about work in our "social" places online - which seems contradictory - shouldn't I be proud of where I work? isn't it part of who I am? but I digress...) the party is on Tuesday night, and I almost always take a sibling, friend, or parent, or go alone.
I asked a couple of friends to maybe put their minds to setting me up with someone, and then tried to think of someone myself.
Who came to mind is the reason for this post.
I thought maybe I could ask the drama teacher. So, I emailed, because I'd lost his number. And, because he's a teacher, I figured I'd just leave it until after the school day to look for a reply. No reply in the afternoon, so I looked harder for his number, and found it. But I got his voicemail. I was going to maybe leave a message, but then I remembered him saying he doesn't check his voicemail, it's best just to call back. Which leaves me wondering if he doesn't check his email much, either.
At any rate, I figured I had to give it 24 hrs on the email, to be fair, and then wait until after school today, before I try calling him.
The hour approaches, and I find I'm too nervous to even think about it.
Help me out here, my friends. I could use a little encouragement.
(Know what? It's much easier to just go along as I am, ignoring the idea of dating and whatever might come later, rather than trying to date.)
UPDATE: Called, got voicemail, and he hasn't called back. So, I guess, whatever. I did turn him down more than once back in the spring, so, I can understand if he isn't interested.But what about being polite, and returning calls? Never mind.
UPDATED UPDATE: He emailed back. He's seeing someone now, so it's a no. Haven't I said so before? He's nothing if not polite. And I'd even add "considerate" to that.
I asked a couple of friends to maybe put their minds to setting me up with someone, and then tried to think of someone myself.
Who came to mind is the reason for this post.
I thought maybe I could ask the drama teacher. So, I emailed, because I'd lost his number. And, because he's a teacher, I figured I'd just leave it until after the school day to look for a reply. No reply in the afternoon, so I looked harder for his number, and found it. But I got his voicemail. I was going to maybe leave a message, but then I remembered him saying he doesn't check his voicemail, it's best just to call back. Which leaves me wondering if he doesn't check his email much, either.
At any rate, I figured I had to give it 24 hrs on the email, to be fair, and then wait until after school today, before I try calling him.
The hour approaches, and I find I'm too nervous to even think about it.
Help me out here, my friends. I could use a little encouragement.
(Know what? It's much easier to just go along as I am, ignoring the idea of dating and whatever might come later, rather than trying to date.)
UPDATE: Called, got voicemail, and he hasn't called back. So, I guess, whatever. I did turn him down more than once back in the spring, so, I can understand if he isn't interested.
UPDATED UPDATE: He emailed back. He's seeing someone now, so it's a no. Haven't I said so before? He's nothing if not polite. And I'd even add "considerate" to that.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
It's an uncertain universe out there
after spending at least a week or so telling people I was the answer (when asked my age, in relation to my recent birthday), when confronted with my gifts from Twin2 and his girlfriend, I actually was confused as to why my son would buy me a towel.
And, what could be better than chocolate monkeys?
(also, did you notice? not only am I 42, my year-long ami challenge is in week 42 this week. how cool is that?)
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
what's in a name?
Lately, I've been re-thinking my online moniker. It's a fine name, but, it feels a bit limited. Seems a lot of folks go with an old nickname from childhood, or some derivation of it. I have a nickname, but I've never quite known how to spell it, hence the dismissal as a possible screen name.
But lately, I've been thinking about it, and it occurred to me, as it's pronounced something like Zoe, why not spell it in a similar manner?
Loe
Does that confuse?
When I was very young, one of my younger brothers couldn't say my name, and the closest he could come was something that sounded like "low-ee". (Which sounds sort of like a musical note, when you spell it out that way, though I'd never thought of it that way before.)
You can see how that might be hard to spell out, without having to explain to everyone how to pronounce it.
But, you know, it's my name. Or anyway, the pet name my family tends to use. Would it be weird to use that as my online name?
But lately, I've been thinking about it, and it occurred to me, as it's pronounced something like Zoe, why not spell it in a similar manner?
Loe
Does that confuse?
When I was very young, one of my younger brothers couldn't say my name, and the closest he could come was something that sounded like "low-ee". (Which sounds sort of like a musical note, when you spell it out that way, though I'd never thought of it that way before.)
You can see how that might be hard to spell out, without having to explain to everyone how to pronounce it.
But, you know, it's my name. Or anyway, the pet name my family tends to use. Would it be weird to use that as my online name?
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
cherrychocolateness
Looking at my little red hot mini alien gets me thinking of things that are cherry-red and chocolate-brown. Which generally leads me to things delicious.
Such as Sweet's cherry cola salt water taffy.
Or their chocolate covered Cherry Sours (which they won't tell you about online, but I promise, they're out there). These taste amazing! It's so close to an actual chocolate covered cherry, but with that extra sour zing that I love so much. (My favorite Sours are the white ones, that come in the Valentine Mix. Not sure what that flavor is, but who cares?)
mmmmm.
If you like Cherry and Chocolate together, in any form, I highly suggest you get yourself some.
I got mine at Sunflower Farmers Market in Orem. (Speaking of which, you seriously need to get yourself some of their handmade sausage. I had the Basil Chicken.Yummers.)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
quick getaway
I ran away for a last-minute retreat with my good friend (and somewhat sister) this past weekend. I had a certificate for a free night at Zermatt up in Midway, and since it was about to expire, I thought I'd better get myself up there PDQ.
We stopped at Seasons of Home and Everything In The Barn before checking in. This town closes up early, and we didn't want to miss out. We found some cute stuff, and skipped up to the resort quick so we wouldn't be late for our spa appointments.
The room was lovely
and the weekend was just right.
I had the pedicure, she had a facial. I did a little knitting while I relaxed in the massage chair.
For dinner, we headed over to Heber and got ourselves Train Burgers (Have YOU been hit by a Trainburger lately?) at the Dairy Keen, followed by the best shakes ever (a bit delayed, they lost the shake orders, we had to wait, so we got coupons for $2 off next time - bonus).
Once back in our room, we changed into our bathing suits and headed for the jacuzzi. A relaxing 1/2 hour in there, a few laps in the refreshingly cool outdoor pool, and we were ready to wind it down for the night.
We somehow slept in, missing the chance to have an early morning swim or steam-room session. Ah, well, that's what a getaway is for, right? We got ourselves ready to face the day, packed up our stuff, and checked out just before 11am.
But on the way to the car, we were distracted.
We stopped at Seasons of Home and Everything In The Barn before checking in. This town closes up early, and we didn't want to miss out. We found some cute stuff, and skipped up to the resort quick so we wouldn't be late for our spa appointments.
The room was lovely
the bathroom was spacious
the view was tranquil (we saw a badger on this hillside - for reals!)
I had the pedicure, she had a facial. I did a little knitting while I relaxed in the massage chair.
For dinner, we headed over to Heber and got ourselves Train Burgers (Have YOU been hit by a Trainburger lately?) at the Dairy Keen, followed by the best shakes ever (a bit delayed, they lost the shake orders, we had to wait, so we got coupons for $2 off next time - bonus).
Once back in our room, we changed into our bathing suits and headed for the jacuzzi. A relaxing 1/2 hour in there, a few laps in the refreshingly cool outdoor pool, and we were ready to wind it down for the night.
We somehow slept in, missing the chance to have an early morning swim or steam-room session. Ah, well, that's what a getaway is for, right? We got ourselves ready to face the day, packed up our stuff, and checked out just before 11am.
But on the way to the car, we were distracted.
They had this uber-cool chess game set-up out in front.
After stowing our stuff in the car, we raced back over, wishing we had something just like it at home. We soon discovered that the little playhouse where they stored the pieces
also contained checkers! (good thing, as neither of us knows how to play chess, and we were considering just having a game of checkers using chess pieces, which could have looked...odd.)
We quickly set up for a game and made our first couple of moves
I then proceeded to beat the pants off her (I'm playing white)
I did a little victory dance (not really), and then we replaced the chess pieces, ready for the next victims.
They also had an 18 hole mini-golf course nearby, but by that time, we'd had enough of the heat and were ready to get into town, step into something with air conditioning.
A little window-shopping in town (literally, since the shops were closed), then over to Park City, admire the stuff in Whimsy, and head for her place in Fruit Heights. (we picked up Panda for dinner - yum!)
It was nice to extend my break a little, relaxing at her house and talking. We also threw together the pillowcases from Seasons of Home (her kit was for her son). As soon as I was home, I slipped it on my pillow, ready to settle in for a good read before bed.
We had such a great time!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
late night snack
Last night, as I reached into the cupboard for my non-stick spray, in preparation for making the pound cake for the trifle (for the BBQ Saturday), I saw this half-empty bag of medium pasta shells,
I love pasta. I love pretty dishes with platinum trim. And I love when my sister thinks of me like that.
Thanks sis!
and I was seized with a mostly irrational desire to eat them. NOW. I say irrational, because it was 10pm, the dinner hour long past.
I tried to resist, but as I shut the cupboard, my eyes drifted down to the counter, and came to rest on this very pretty bowl that my sister found for me at DI, which I had just picked up from mom's earlier in the evening.
(I had set it by the sink, so I could wash it before I put it away.)
Suddenly, I HAD to have medium shell pasta, in my very pretty bowl.
So, I did.
Yum.
Thanks sis!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I wasn't hiding, promise
Last night, I stopped in at Home Fabrics to look for some outdoor upholstery fabric. I need to make many cushions for my patio furniture, and I'm feeling like I can handle that right now, so I measured, calculated, and figured out I need about 6 yards for the cushions for one furniture group, which means I need it to be cheap. Hence my stop at Home Fabrics.
I'm in the back, wandering among the sale stuff, finding all kinds of possibilities. At some point, they turn the music off, and I wonder, did they not like that song, or what?
About 1/2 hour later, one of the employees walks past me, stops dead, and calls out to the other, "Hey, remember that story I was just telling you? Here's another one!", then turns to me and says, "Can I help you find something?" I reply that I'm just browsing, looking for that just-right something. Then she says, "We're actually closed. But if you have something you need cut, he can help you up front."
Oops.
I guess that's why they turned off the music.
I bought 4 yards of something I thought might work for one of the other pieces. I was too embarrassed to try to figure out what else I wanted.
What kind of fabric store closes at6pm 6:30pm?
I'm in the back, wandering among the sale stuff, finding all kinds of possibilities. At some point, they turn the music off, and I wonder, did they not like that song, or what?
About 1/2 hour later, one of the employees walks past me, stops dead, and calls out to the other, "Hey, remember that story I was just telling you? Here's another one!", then turns to me and says, "Can I help you find something?" I reply that I'm just browsing, looking for that just-right something. Then she says, "We're actually closed. But if you have something you need cut, he can help you up front."
Oops.
I guess that's why they turned off the music.
I bought 4 yards of something I thought might work for one of the other pieces. I was too embarrassed to try to figure out what else I wanted.
What kind of fabric store closes at
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
productive weekend
yessir, it was definitely that.
Get this:
I made myself sit down and finally re-do (on a larger size - which meant going out to buy stuff) this cute onesie my SIL and I screwed up way back in October, and I even added bum-ruffles! (not quite exactly the way that tutorial shows, but similar - and the look is the same) I started another one, but decided I didn't have the "right" fabric for this ones' bum-ruffles, so it's only mostly done. (sorry, no pics, finished one is gone to it's new home, new one is going to be a gift, can't reveal.)
Went to a family party, had a great time! (Um, somebody took pictures. I mostly took pictures of my grand-niece, because she is so seriously adorable!)
Then, because I was oh-so-tired of my wardrobe, and because I'd made some good progress on it already, I finished this really cute knit dress for myself.
I generally fail when sewing on knits, especially the slinky slippery kind, which this is. But this fabric and pattern (Butterick 4789) were irresistible. I'd made myself look up my Bernina's suggestions for knit seams and hems, and, what do you know, I'd been doing them wrong! Somewhere, I heard someone say that when you sew knits, you want a longer stitch length than usual, but according to my Bernina manual, you want a shorter stitch length. Stretch while you sew, and use a slight zig-zag, both sources had agreed upon. But the stitch length - I've been doing that wrong for years. Take it from me, the shorter is the way to go. I've also had a bad history with hems on knits, especially the narrow kind. I took it slow, tried it one way, ripped it back, adjusted the tension, (repeat that a couple times), and then, finally, got it right. The dress turned out fabulous! Seriously! I even wore it to church! I might just sew me more stuff from slinky slippery knits. Or any kind of knit.
Baked a batch of Rocky Ledge Bars for my dad for Father's Day. Seriously YUM.
Finished the peas in a pod (lame, oh, so lame), so now I can check that of the list. Not impressed. Just finished.
Put away the last bits of Spring decor, and got out SUMMER! Because now, it's Summer, not Spring.
(Poor Raggedy Ann - she needs new clothes, new hair - she's all sun-bleached!)
Lastly, because I am so very bored with my wardrobe (see above), but also know that I already own too many clothes, I had my son get out all my warm-weather clothes while he was up there in the attic/crawl space getting me the Summer stuff (and putting Spring and other stuff away - thanks Twin1!), and I went through my closets and drawers. I put away cold-weather stuff (it's hard on a gal, having to look at sweaters when it's 90+ outside), let my all-season stuff breath for just a second or two (not really), then hung up tons of warm-weather tops, skirts (my goodness, I have a lot of really cute skirts!), dresses, etc. I even got rid of a couple of things.Ahem. Literally, two items. I brought two jackets and a skirt to the office, so my co-worker can take them to Turning Point (women's charity in my area), and the skirt somehow ended up back in my bag to home again. I'm hopeless! (The skirt is cute, but not especially cute on me. As I carried it in, I noticed how it didn't look wrinkled, despite the fact that it's been in the super-heated attic smooshed into a vacuum-packed bag for at least 6 months, and I thought, oh, a good travel skirt. Doesn't matter that I don't love how I look in it, or that I don't expect to be going anywhere this summer, I'm going to take it back home, put it on a hanger, and cram it into my already-crowded closet, because it doesn't need to be ironed. Totally hopeless.)
I'm gonna go purge my wardrobe now. For real, this time. Seriously.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
to: OneTrueSue
Anyone else read Navel Gazing? She's been blog-missing for a while. Recently, she posted something that totally explains her absence. She's apparently become a victim of the recent economic trends, and, among various other life changes, is now working full-time, in an actual office. (I say it like that, because she was formerly a WAHM, and pretty much worked full-time that way, but in her home office, which allowed her to be there when needed, and only stay at her desk until the project was done, vs being at your desk 8 hours every day because that's what's expected.)
And she has come face-to-face with why I hate it when folks try to tell you "every mother is a working mother". Because that's total crap. SAHM's have an extra 8-10 hours a day more than the average working mom, because nobody took 8-10 hours out of their day and refused to ever give it back or in any way (except monetary) make up for it. Aside from the paycheck, it's a pretty poor deal for any mom. Sometimes even the paycheck doesn't help.
What do you SAHM's do? Clean the bathroom again? Make another week's worth of dinners " just in case"? Vacuum the front room in that adorable checkerboard pattern you worked out one afternoon while rocking the baby to sleep? No, probably not. You probably spend that extra time with your kids.
Which is why the life of a Working Mother is not one to be envied. We miss our kids. We literally miss out on milestones and firsts. Oh, and our houses are usually less-than-tidy. Because when we get home, there's dinner, then homework, and then suddenly it's bedtime. What happened to time to enjoy the kids? Am I really going to choose a clean bathroom over listening to my kid tell me about their day? Not so much.
(I'm not going to address time for yourself here - nobody gets enough of that, from what I hear.)
So, those of you out there who have the privilege of being at home with your kids? I hope you appreciate it. I know it's crazy sometimes. I know there are days when you wish you could get away for a few hours. Believe it or not, there are days when I'd rather be home doing the dishes and scrubbing floors.
I like my job. I am thankful that I have skills that allow me to earn enough to support my family, I appreciate that I am working where I am, that it's close to home, that they are able to be flexible, and allow us to put family first.
I know how fortunate I am.
So does Sue.
But that doesn't mean she can't hate where life has led her.
I wanted to comment on her post, let her know she's not alone, that I understand hating something, while knowing that you need it anyway. I wanted to let her know that there are compensations. That the kids who reject you when you come home, who will inevitably pass through a resentment phase, will come to appreciate what you do, and find a way to love you in spite of your absence.
She's had some other reversals of fortune on top of this, too. I'm sure she's feeling overwhelmed, among other things. Whatever the reason, she closed comments. Which I can totally understand.
Maybe I'm not the best one to be giving her encouragement, given my recent failings as a mother. Not total failure, I know. My kids are not drug addicts, drunks, or sexpots (does anyone use that term anymore?), and I'm pretty sure they love me, shortcomings and all. So there's that.
Sue, you're doing just fine. It's okay to like your job and hate it at the same time. You already know that things will work out, but I'll tell you anyway, everything will work out.
(If I knew her for real, in person, I'd run right over with a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies.)
And she has come face-to-face with why I hate it when folks try to tell you "every mother is a working mother". Because that's total crap. SAHM's have an extra 8-10 hours a day more than the average working mom, because nobody took 8-10 hours out of their day and refused to ever give it back or in any way (except monetary) make up for it. Aside from the paycheck, it's a pretty poor deal for any mom. Sometimes even the paycheck doesn't help.
What do you SAHM's do? Clean the bathroom again? Make another week's worth of dinners " just in case"? Vacuum the front room in that adorable checkerboard pattern you worked out one afternoon while rocking the baby to sleep? No, probably not. You probably spend that extra time with your kids.
Which is why the life of a Working Mother is not one to be envied. We miss our kids. We literally miss out on milestones and firsts. Oh, and our houses are usually less-than-tidy. Because when we get home, there's dinner, then homework, and then suddenly it's bedtime. What happened to time to enjoy the kids? Am I really going to choose a clean bathroom over listening to my kid tell me about their day? Not so much.
(I'm not going to address time for yourself here - nobody gets enough of that, from what I hear.)
So, those of you out there who have the privilege of being at home with your kids? I hope you appreciate it. I know it's crazy sometimes. I know there are days when you wish you could get away for a few hours. Believe it or not, there are days when I'd rather be home doing the dishes and scrubbing floors.
I like my job. I am thankful that I have skills that allow me to earn enough to support my family, I appreciate that I am working where I am, that it's close to home, that they are able to be flexible, and allow us to put family first.
I know how fortunate I am.
So does Sue.
But that doesn't mean she can't hate where life has led her.
I wanted to comment on her post, let her know she's not alone, that I understand hating something, while knowing that you need it anyway. I wanted to let her know that there are compensations. That the kids who reject you when you come home, who will inevitably pass through a resentment phase, will come to appreciate what you do, and find a way to love you in spite of your absence.
She's had some other reversals of fortune on top of this, too. I'm sure she's feeling overwhelmed, among other things. Whatever the reason, she closed comments. Which I can totally understand.
Maybe I'm not the best one to be giving her encouragement, given my recent failings as a mother. Not total failure, I know. My kids are not drug addicts, drunks, or sexpots (does anyone use that term anymore?), and I'm pretty sure they love me, shortcomings and all. So there's that.
Sue, you're doing just fine. It's okay to like your job and hate it at the same time. You already know that things will work out, but I'll tell you anyway, everything will work out.
(If I knew her for real, in person, I'd run right over with a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies.)
Monday, June 14, 2010
Prom Night (further explanations)
Too much stress. That's what I'm going to blame it on.
Because, if I hadn't been churned up with worry about how in the heck my Twins are ever going to get into college, and from there, get a job/career, so they can have a life, because, as you may have gathered, neither one actually graduated - which seriously has been, and still is, causing huge amounts of stress for me (and might just be what really should get the blame as the "one too many" thing I was/am trying to juggle...but it's easier to blame the "social life" thing, because that's optional, and therefore disposable), then maybe, just maybe, I could have relaxed and been my better self. (I am not, and I mean this seriously, not blaming the Twins for my lack of social life. Because how I choose to deal with my personal stresses is my problem, not theirs.)
For anyone who has spent any time with me in the last couple of months or so, you're probably thinking, "oh, that's why she was so quiet/withdrawn/unsociable." And that would be true.
I've been weighed down with this since I don't know when, because I've known they were not on track for graduation for a while. It's been hard to behave like a normal person when I have this huge failure staring me in the face.
See, these are my only children. And at my age, as I'm not even dating anyone at this point, I don't expect to have any more children, though I would have loved to have a big family. And would still risk a pregnancy, should I be so fortunate as to 1) meet someone, 2) fall in love, and 3) get married, at any time in the next few years (at 41, I shouldn't even consider it, but I would). At any rate, as these are my only, their failure to graduate from High School means that I have FAILED as a mom. At least as far as instilling a reverence and respect for education and hard work goes. So, as a college graduate, with parents who are not just college graduates, but a professor and a librarian, this has been painful, to say the least. Because if there is one thing this family values (after The Gospel), it's education. Their dad just quit his tenured position as a professor at Uof Wyoming to go back to school, because he's always wanted to. How do they not get how important this is?
Having this failure staring me in the face, it's been hard to be any kind of relaxed or fun person. It's also been really hard to talk about it, with anyone (as previously alluded to here). It's been the one thing I need to talk about, but just couldn't, not in the way that I really needed to. (Except with their dad, somewhat, except...it's...complicated.)
And you seriously hoped that I'd be able to have social life? With this HUGE problem dogging me every second of my life? Yeah, me, too. I tried to tell myself that it's not actually my problem, it's theirs, and that even if it is my problem, if there is nothing I can do about it right now, I should just set it aside, and come back to it later. My ADD brain doesn't seem to allow that. I tried. I think I had some moments here and there. Just not enough, I guess.
whoa, sorry, that went all serious - and I'm still posting it. go figure.
Because, if I hadn't been churned up with worry about how in the heck my Twins are ever going to get into college, and from there, get a job/career, so they can have a life, because, as you may have gathered, neither one actually graduated - which seriously has been, and still is, causing huge amounts of stress for me (and might just be what really should get the blame as the "one too many" thing I was/am trying to juggle...but it's easier to blame the "social life" thing, because that's optional, and therefore disposable), then maybe, just maybe, I could have relaxed and been my better self. (I am not, and I mean this seriously, not blaming the Twins for my lack of social life. Because how I choose to deal with my personal stresses is my problem, not theirs.)
For anyone who has spent any time with me in the last couple of months or so, you're probably thinking, "oh, that's why she was so quiet/withdrawn/unsociable." And that would be true.
I've been weighed down with this since I don't know when, because I've known they were not on track for graduation for a while. It's been hard to behave like a normal person when I have this huge failure staring me in the face.
See, these are my only children. And at my age, as I'm not even dating anyone at this point, I don't expect to have any more children, though I would have loved to have a big family. And would still risk a pregnancy, should I be so fortunate as to 1) meet someone, 2) fall in love, and 3) get married, at any time in the next few years (at 41, I shouldn't even consider it, but I would). At any rate, as these are my only, their failure to graduate from High School means that I have FAILED as a mom. At least as far as instilling a reverence and respect for education and hard work goes. So, as a college graduate, with parents who are not just college graduates, but a professor and a librarian, this has been painful, to say the least. Because if there is one thing this family values (after The Gospel), it's education. Their dad just quit his tenured position as a professor at Uof Wyoming to go back to school, because he's always wanted to. How do they not get how important this is?
Having this failure staring me in the face, it's been hard to be any kind of relaxed or fun person. It's also been really hard to talk about it, with anyone (as previously alluded to here). It's been the one thing I need to talk about, but just couldn't, not in the way that I really needed to. (Except with their dad, somewhat, except...it's...complicated.)
And you seriously hoped that I'd be able to have social life? With this HUGE problem dogging me every second of my life? Yeah, me, too. I tried to tell myself that it's not actually my problem, it's theirs, and that even if it is my problem, if there is nothing I can do about it right now, I should just set it aside, and come back to it later. My ADD brain doesn't seem to allow that. I tried. I think I had some moments here and there. Just not enough, I guess.
whoa, sorry, that went all serious - and I'm still posting it. go figure.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Prom Night (part the 2nd)
Which, in a way, could have been, sort of...romantic. But it wasn't.
Which is kind of the point of this. We were working together, just us, for hours on end. We chatted, we collaborated, we tested lights and built us a make-shift "lighting board" (consisting of 4 surge protector power thingies, each with one light of the four plugged into it, since they had to be, as we found out, each on a separate circuit). We blew out a circuit or two (oh, the innuendo possibilities!), and re-routed the cords. We spent almost an entire day together, mostly paying attention to each other while we worked. If anything was going to happen, here was our chance.
And, basically, nothing.
I wonder, if I'd been more "fun", maybe hammed it up a little in the spotlight, would it have turned out differently? Or was he miffed about the night before, and figured "no" meant "not interested" in a permanent sense?
We work well together. I enjoy his company. He's a very nice person. Have I mentioned? I'm a sucker for a man who's not afraid to make a fool of himself. He's not ever uptight. But, I guess, I just don't know how to be like that myself.
I could tell myself that I'm over-analyzing. Or that, "he's still getting over his ex", "he doesn't want to get involved with the mom of one of his students". But, none of that is relevant, really.
In the end, what it comes down to, is this: if he was interested, he'd call, he'd ask me out.
And, that's not happening.
Do I "like" him? I don't know. Well, okay, obviously, I must. At least, a little. Maybe.
Does he "like" me? I think, maybe, he appreciates me. But, after the cast party, where I basically did not really join in on any of the games, (I'm just not comfortable with the whole "party game" thing) maybe he's thinking I'm just not that much fun? Because, well, I'm not. I mean, I can be. Fun, that is. At least, I think I can. I have been, on occasion. I think. (I obviously have some issues here.)
I was not able to just relax and be myself with him.
(further explanations to come...)
Which is kind of the point of this. We were working together, just us, for hours on end. We chatted, we collaborated, we tested lights and built us a make-shift "lighting board" (consisting of 4 surge protector power thingies, each with one light of the four plugged into it, since they had to be, as we found out, each on a separate circuit). We blew out a circuit or two (oh, the innuendo possibilities!), and re-routed the cords. We spent almost an entire day together, mostly paying attention to each other while we worked. If anything was going to happen, here was our chance.
And, basically, nothing.
I wonder, if I'd been more "fun", maybe hammed it up a little in the spotlight, would it have turned out differently? Or was he miffed about the night before, and figured "no" meant "not interested" in a permanent sense?
We work well together. I enjoy his company. He's a very nice person. Have I mentioned? I'm a sucker for a man who's not afraid to make a fool of himself. He's not ever uptight. But, I guess, I just don't know how to be like that myself.
I could tell myself that I'm over-analyzing. Or that, "he's still getting over his ex", "he doesn't want to get involved with the mom of one of his students". But, none of that is relevant, really.
In the end, what it comes down to, is this: if he was interested, he'd call, he'd ask me out.
And, that's not happening.
Do I "like" him? I don't know. Well, okay, obviously, I must. At least, a little. Maybe.
Does he "like" me? I think, maybe, he appreciates me. But, after the cast party, where I basically did not really join in on any of the games, (I'm just not comfortable with the whole "party game" thing) maybe he's thinking I'm just not that much fun? Because, well, I'm not. I mean, I can be. Fun, that is. At least, I think I can. I have been, on occasion. I think. (I obviously have some issues here.)
I was not able to just relax and be myself with him.
(further explanations to come...)
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
In which we discuss "Prom Night" (part 1)
That day was supposed to be an all-day rehearsal. Until the Prom was scheduled. At which point, to allow the kids to have their "day dates" (when did this become the fashion? the all-day Prom date?), Cam changed it to Early Morning Rehearsal. Even with that, we were missing some key people.
After rehearsal, I took the Twins home so they could shower and get ready for their dates, and I set out on some errands for the play.
Part-way through my errands, Twin1 calls to say he needs a ride out to PG right away. I detour to do that, including a stop at Planted Earth to get a last-minute corsage for his date ("prepared" is not exactly "him"). Twin2 has his ride arranged, so he's taken care of, except he won't tell me who his date is. Whatever. He did say who was driving, so I knew he was with good people. (Are you wondering why I wasn't trying to be home to see all this going on? Or if I took pictures of my fine boys with their beautiful dates? Turns out, I'm just not that kind of mom.)
Eventually, I arrive back at the school, ready to work on the set, or do whatever Cam needs me to do.
(It's now been so long, I'm a bit fuzzy on the afternoon/early evening of that day.) I think we worked on the set a little, before we started in on the lighting. Maybe. Or not.
If you recall, it was the lighting pieces we were working on when that first awkward moment took place. As in, that happened the night before. And not one word from him about anything. Even though we were together the entire rest of the day/evening. Late into the evening.
Here's how it was:
We (Cam and myself) spent about 7 hours together, just the two of us, climbing risers and ladders, running extension cords, and positioning lights.
(Have you ever had to do any set lighting? Apparently, it involves at least one person to position the light, while another one stands in the light, walking a bit around the stage, to make sure the actor(s) will be lit properly when they need to be, and that everything looks just so, and there are no dark areas. At least, that's how we had to do things on our make-shift set. I'm sure it's much easier when you have an actual auditorium with built-in lighting, and a board full of controls and such.)
So, just so you can visualize this, Cam is up on a ladder, which is on top of some risers, so he's basically up by the ceiling. I am on the set/stage area, walking and standing where he says to, keeping my face turned to the light, looking up at him, the entire time. (Shades of Funny Face here, only with a spotlight instead of a camera, and also, I'm no Audrey Hepburn.)
I'm trying not to go blind staring into some really bright lights, and wondering if I look frumpy (nothing like a spotlight shining on you for hours on end to crush your ego), while Cam is, basically, spending the evening looking at...me.
to be continued...
After rehearsal, I took the Twins home so they could shower and get ready for their dates, and I set out on some errands for the play.
Part-way through my errands, Twin1 calls to say he needs a ride out to PG right away. I detour to do that, including a stop at Planted Earth to get a last-minute corsage for his date ("prepared" is not exactly "him"). Twin2 has his ride arranged, so he's taken care of, except he won't tell me who his date is. Whatever. He did say who was driving, so I knew he was with good people. (Are you wondering why I wasn't trying to be home to see all this going on? Or if I took pictures of my fine boys with their beautiful dates? Turns out, I'm just not that kind of mom.)
Eventually, I arrive back at the school, ready to work on the set, or do whatever Cam needs me to do.
(It's now been so long, I'm a bit fuzzy on the afternoon/early evening of that day.) I think we worked on the set a little, before we started in on the lighting. Maybe. Or not.
If you recall, it was the lighting pieces we were working on when that first awkward moment took place. As in, that happened the night before. And not one word from him about anything. Even though we were together the entire rest of the day/evening. Late into the evening.
Here's how it was:
We (Cam and myself) spent about 7 hours together, just the two of us, climbing risers and ladders, running extension cords, and positioning lights.
(Have you ever had to do any set lighting? Apparently, it involves at least one person to position the light, while another one stands in the light, walking a bit around the stage, to make sure the actor(s) will be lit properly when they need to be, and that everything looks just so, and there are no dark areas. At least, that's how we had to do things on our make-shift set. I'm sure it's much easier when you have an actual auditorium with built-in lighting, and a board full of controls and such.)
So, just so you can visualize this, Cam is up on a ladder, which is on top of some risers, so he's basically up by the ceiling. I am on the set/stage area, walking and standing where he says to, keeping my face turned to the light, looking up at him, the entire time. (Shades of Funny Face here, only with a spotlight instead of a camera, and also, I'm no Audrey Hepburn.)
I'm trying not to go blind staring into some really bright lights, and wondering if I look frumpy (nothing like a spotlight shining on you for hours on end to crush your ego), while Cam is, basically, spending the evening looking at...me.
to be continued...
Monday, May 24, 2010
Drama? not so much...
Firstly, my ego got the better of me Friday night at the choir concert. His mom and someone (siblings?) seemed to be saying something like "is that her?" when he was talking about E, who plays piano for the choir, and then something like, "no, can't be, because she's married". Which made me wonder if he'd been talking about me. You know, in that way. Or maybe just that my name came up in conversation a lot. Or something. Cuz, you know how that is. When someone keeps talking about someone else, but then, when you ask them directly, they're all, "why would you think I like him/her? It's not that, it's just that he/she is so helpful/talented, that's all."
See? I told you my ego stepped in for a visit. (And don't even think that my nattering on about him in my blog means for one second that I'm actually "interested". I'm just really trying to be open to a possible possibility. Even though, given all the possibles there may be, this one may not be what it is I think I'm looking for. Which I can't really know unless I get to know him.)
Saturday, I was late to the cast party (it started at 3pm, we didn't get there until 4:30ish. I was at my moms, things needed doing, I left when I could), and he wasn't there anyway. (or was he there earlier, but left because I wasn't? yeah, because I matter that much. sure.)
Pretty sure one of the kids texted or called him to tell him I was there, so he could come and not feel weird about being the adult in the group. (no proof here, this is just what my own head says was going on)
I felt like some of them were watching my reaction when he did show up. (Internal reaction: very slight "spark", if you get my meaning - but that would just be because I'd built it up in my head, I'm sure.) But it was dark (theater room, watching our play), and I'm sure that was just me, feeling paranoid. The student next to me got up to give him his chair. Which he did not take.
After it was over (only a small part of he and I on stage after the show; it cut off, but not before we could all see how wide my backside really is, and how non-committal that hug was), we went upstairs to play games and whatever.
He plays with the kids, because he's like that. I am not like that. I watched. Except I did join in on a game of dice. woohoo.
Not one word, not even the slightest indication of any interest.
I showered, I put on makeup, I even applied perfume. I wore this very cute pair of brown high-heeled sandals. I made white chocolate caramel apples. I smiled, I laughed, I tried to make conversation.
And it got me no-where.
(one of the kids, the same one I suspect texted him earlier, asked me how I made my caramel apples. I almost directed her to my blog, but then I thought better of it. yikes.)
My office mate says she's going to have to step in for me. That I'm being stupid. She says I should just call him up and ask him out to dinner. But I have a really good reason not to. Seriously.
Those who know me will probably agree with this.
If a guy is going to have any chance of surviving a relationship with me, he will at least have to muster up the courage to ask me out in the first place. He's going to need every chance he's got to show me he deserves respect, and if I'm the one that does the asking, that makes me "in charge". I'm just mean like that.
(I still say it's unclear whether he already did ask me out. Except, I guess, since what he said ("Hey, want to come to a Luau?") was basically a derivative of "Will you go to dinner with me?", maybe I'm just saying that, because then I'm not a dork. (am I losing this argument?))
(if he reads this, and he was considering asking me out (again?), will this post put him off?)
See? I told you my ego stepped in for a visit. (And don't even think that my nattering on about him in my blog means for one second that I'm actually "interested". I'm just really trying to be open to a possible possibility. Even though, given all the possibles there may be, this one may not be what it is I think I'm looking for. Which I can't really know unless I get to know him.)
Saturday, I was late to the cast party (it started at 3pm, we didn't get there until 4:30ish. I was at my moms, things needed doing, I left when I could), and he wasn't there anyway. (or was he there earlier, but left because I wasn't? yeah, because I matter that much. sure.)
Pretty sure one of the kids texted or called him to tell him I was there, so he could come and not feel weird about being the adult in the group. (no proof here, this is just what my own head says was going on)
I felt like some of them were watching my reaction when he did show up. (Internal reaction: very slight "spark", if you get my meaning - but that would just be because I'd built it up in my head, I'm sure.) But it was dark (theater room, watching our play), and I'm sure that was just me, feeling paranoid. The student next to me got up to give him his chair. Which he did not take.
After it was over (only a small part of he and I on stage after the show; it cut off, but not before we could all see how wide my backside really is, and how non-committal that hug was), we went upstairs to play games and whatever.
He plays with the kids, because he's like that. I am not like that. I watched. Except I did join in on a game of dice. woohoo.
Not one word, not even the slightest indication of any interest.
I showered, I put on makeup, I even applied perfume. I wore this very cute pair of brown high-heeled sandals. I made white chocolate caramel apples. I smiled, I laughed, I tried to make conversation.
And it got me no-where.
(one of the kids, the same one I suspect texted him earlier, asked me how I made my caramel apples. I almost directed her to my blog, but then I thought better of it. yikes.)
My office mate says she's going to have to step in for me. That I'm being stupid. She says I should just call him up and ask him out to dinner. But I have a really good reason not to. Seriously.
Those who know me will probably agree with this.
If a guy is going to have any chance of surviving a relationship with me, he will at least have to muster up the courage to ask me out in the first place. He's going to need every chance he's got to show me he deserves respect, and if I'm the one that does the asking, that makes me "in charge". I'm just mean like that.
(I still say it's unclear whether he already did ask me out. Except, I guess, since what he said ("Hey, want to come to a Luau?") was basically a derivative of "Will you go to dinner with me?", maybe I'm just saying that, because then I'm not a dork. (am I losing this argument?))
(if he reads this, and he was considering asking me out (again?), will this post put him off?)
Friday, May 21, 2010
A Hint of Drama
I've been severely chided for my recent behavior with the drama coach. I've been told I'm sabotaging myself, and that, if he did actually ask me out (I still say it's unclear), I'm deluded if I think I'll get that 3rd chance to not be an idiot.
But...
We had a nice little chat when I dropped in the other day for my trees (and carrots!). I was very careful to not be evasive, to share what I was actually thinking about. (This was not easy, because there is this HUGE something hanging over me and the fam right now, which I hesitate to share with anyone outside the family, but it's affecting everything I do, so I shared, a little.) He made sure to mention that someone had decided to host a 2nd cast party (the 1st one was very short, on the night we closed the play, and not all the kids were able to be there), and pointed out the info on his board so I could write it down. We were interrupted by my friend (same one that told me "Cam's single" before I'd even met him). She makes a big point of saying that someone needs to take care of Cam, because he's coming down with something, and she says to me "can you cook?", to which I reply, "I can bake bread." So then, he's enthusiastically praising my bread, which I twice brought in for the cast during rehearsals. I like compliments.
We talk about the new drama coach they've hired for next year (Cam will still do choir, and drama for middle school. He likes teaching middle school, which I think takes a special kind of person.), and then my friend says she's got some natural something in her car that can keep him from getting sick, just as my son comes in the door to hurry me up. Cam goes out to the parking lot with my friend, and I go out to load up my trees, and kids, to head home. The trees didn't fit in my trunk, which required me to put the top down, since we had people to carry home as well. So, when he waved me down in the parking lot, I was feeling all glamorous and cool with my shades, and the top down, etc. (I'd had a productive day, so I was in a pretty good mood, which, you know, generally makes me feel more attractive/worthwhile.)
He wanted to make sure I would be there Saturday. I made a big show of asking my son if he thought we'd be able to go. And then I said, yes, absolutely, we'd be there.
The cast party is not a "date". But, perhaps, it's an opportunity to spend some time together, which could, possibly, lead to somebody asking someone else out. Or not. But, at least, I showed some interest. I didn't avoid him, or put up those huge mental walls I know I sometimes hide behind. (Aren't you proud of me? I am.)
So, maybe, just maybe, there might be something else to blog about besides fiber manipulation. Or teenagers.
(I never did get back to Prom Night, did I? I meant to. I will.)
But...
We had a nice little chat when I dropped in the other day for my trees (and carrots!). I was very careful to not be evasive, to share what I was actually thinking about. (This was not easy, because there is this HUGE something hanging over me and the fam right now, which I hesitate to share with anyone outside the family, but it's affecting everything I do, so I shared, a little.) He made sure to mention that someone had decided to host a 2nd cast party (the 1st one was very short, on the night we closed the play, and not all the kids were able to be there), and pointed out the info on his board so I could write it down. We were interrupted by my friend (same one that told me "Cam's single" before I'd even met him). She makes a big point of saying that someone needs to take care of Cam, because he's coming down with something, and she says to me "can you cook?", to which I reply, "I can bake bread." So then, he's enthusiastically praising my bread, which I twice brought in for the cast during rehearsals. I like compliments.
We talk about the new drama coach they've hired for next year (Cam will still do choir, and drama for middle school. He likes teaching middle school, which I think takes a special kind of person.), and then my friend says she's got some natural something in her car that can keep him from getting sick, just as my son comes in the door to hurry me up. Cam goes out to the parking lot with my friend, and I go out to load up my trees, and kids, to head home. The trees didn't fit in my trunk, which required me to put the top down, since we had people to carry home as well. So, when he waved me down in the parking lot, I was feeling all glamorous and cool with my shades, and the top down, etc. (I'd had a productive day, so I was in a pretty good mood, which, you know, generally makes me feel more attractive/worthwhile.)
He wanted to make sure I would be there Saturday. I made a big show of asking my son if he thought we'd be able to go. And then I said, yes, absolutely, we'd be there.
The cast party is not a "date". But, perhaps, it's an opportunity to spend some time together, which could, possibly, lead to somebody asking someone else out. Or not. But, at least, I showed some interest. I didn't avoid him, or put up those huge mental walls I know I sometimes hide behind. (Aren't you proud of me? I am.)
So, maybe, just maybe, there might be something else to blog about besides fiber manipulation. Or teenagers.
(I never did get back to Prom Night, did I? I meant to. I will.)
Thursday, May 20, 2010
We have Carrots!
Dropped in at school yesterday, to pick up some trees I loaned them for the set. Logged my volunteer hours at the front desk, too. Then, thought I'd take a walk through the drama room, just in case.
And there they were!
Twin2 found them for me!
A little the worse for wear, but still basically intact.
Yippee!
Monday, May 17, 2010
back to normal?
The play is done.
It went...well enough. Maybe because last year's was so great, I'm holding them to a higher standard? I felt, just a little, let down. I know they could have been incredible, but something was just not quite there, you know? It wasn't a flop. I was just...disappointed.
Maybe mostly in myself. I felt I could have done so much more, organized it so much better than I did. I didn't rely on the other students as much as I should have. I should have watched the entire thing at least once through to fix all the little things that bugged me as I watched it Saturday night.
I made amateur mistakes, which I shouldn't beat myself up for since I am just one of the moms, not a drama coach or stage manager by training. Besides, this is their last year of high school, so this is it. I don't do this again next year, so why stress over what could have been done better? It's the perfectionist in me, I guess. I feel I failed to impress. I just don't know why that matters to me.
Their dad came! Drove all the way down from Laramie, WY, just to see the play, and then drove back the same night. They were so excited that he was there! (thank you, M - it meant a lot to the Twins, and to me)
I didn't get my camera out even once (at first, too busy, then, I don't know) so I'll have to beg pictures from others. Speaking of pictures, I was off talking to people when they did shots of the whole cast and crew, so I'm not in those. It's like I wasn't even there. (I'm on the fence on this one.)
Favorite moment of the entire night:
Scene between Cinderella's Prince and Baker's Wife (this play is full of immorality, death, destruction, you name it...). Their paths cross in the woods, he comes on to her, she's reluctant at first. "I'm in the wrong story", "I have a Baker, you have a Princess", etc. Except, Saturday, she says "You have a Prince".
Our Prince was so awesome (seriously, the most amazing high school actor I've seen in I don't know how long!) he was able to react to that, with just a look, while she recovered and quickly added (while still completely in character), "I mean, a Princess". It worked so well, you'd think it was written that way. Just added one more level of "immoral" to his character.
Best Save:
For who-knows-why, during the last verse of "Last Midnight", we had no music. Our Witch just went ahead and sang. Gave it all she had, spoke some of the parts instead of singing them. It was amazing. Twin1 said he felt her pain in that scene so much more than the other nights. I, myself, wasn't sure if there really was something missing, until Cam came back there asking what happened. She was awesome.
Thank you:
The entire cast went in together on some flowers and gift cards for me, which they presented to me after the play. Cam also got me a card, Lindt chocolates, and a hanging basket of flowers. I was touched. (For Cam, the cast put together a scrap book with notes from everyone, and pictures from the first two nights. What an awesome cast this was.)
Forgotten:
I tried to pick up the props and costume pieces I'd brought in, before leaving for the cast party. (Because I have this entire list of things I never got back last year.) I got most of them, but totally forgot about others. This morning, I went in and collected the rest. Mostly. I'd loaned them a couple of fake carrots to help dress the set. You're thinking, "so what? get more". These were nice carrots. I got them years ago in a set with this huge gorgeous cabbage leaf. I use them in my decor in the spring. They're gone. Probably went back with the flats to the Jr High we borrowed those from. I was inordinately fond of these carrots. I will miss them. I don't think I'll find any quite as nice, but I will probably buy too many replacements as I make the attempt. (Also missing an old hanky. I deliberately chose one I was not fond of, just in case, so I'm okay with that. I think.)
For Future Reference:
Can I just tell you? When your son, your son with a healthy beard, is in a play, and he wears heavy makeup for his part, save yourself a lot of trouble, and invest in some good old-fashioned cold cream. Liquid makeup removers, the kind that you use with a cotton pad, just don't do the job. Whiskers tend to shred the cotton pad (something I'd never considered before), and if he's not wearing a "matching" foundation (Twin2 was the Wolf, so his was super dark), you'll know right away how inefficient that swipe of a cotton pad is. Cold cream, warm wet washcloth. It's the only way. Trust me. Might want a good headband to hold his hair back, as well.
It went...well enough. Maybe because last year's was so great, I'm holding them to a higher standard? I felt, just a little, let down. I know they could have been incredible, but something was just not quite there, you know? It wasn't a flop. I was just...disappointed.
Maybe mostly in myself. I felt I could have done so much more, organized it so much better than I did. I didn't rely on the other students as much as I should have. I should have watched the entire thing at least once through to fix all the little things that bugged me as I watched it Saturday night.
I made amateur mistakes, which I shouldn't beat myself up for since I am just one of the moms, not a drama coach or stage manager by training. Besides, this is their last year of high school, so this is it. I don't do this again next year, so why stress over what could have been done better? It's the perfectionist in me, I guess. I feel I failed to impress. I just don't know why that matters to me.
Their dad came! Drove all the way down from Laramie, WY, just to see the play, and then drove back the same night. They were so excited that he was there! (thank you, M - it meant a lot to the Twins, and to me)
I didn't get my camera out even once (at first, too busy, then, I don't know) so I'll have to beg pictures from others. Speaking of pictures, I was off talking to people when they did shots of the whole cast and crew, so I'm not in those. It's like I wasn't even there. (I'm on the fence on this one.)
Favorite moment of the entire night:
Scene between Cinderella's Prince and Baker's Wife (this play is full of immorality, death, destruction, you name it...). Their paths cross in the woods, he comes on to her, she's reluctant at first. "I'm in the wrong story", "I have a Baker, you have a Princess", etc. Except, Saturday, she says "You have a Prince".
Our Prince was so awesome (seriously, the most amazing high school actor I've seen in I don't know how long!) he was able to react to that, with just a look, while she recovered and quickly added (while still completely in character), "I mean, a Princess". It worked so well, you'd think it was written that way. Just added one more level of "immoral" to his character.
Best Save:
For who-knows-why, during the last verse of "Last Midnight", we had no music. Our Witch just went ahead and sang. Gave it all she had, spoke some of the parts instead of singing them. It was amazing. Twin1 said he felt her pain in that scene so much more than the other nights. I, myself, wasn't sure if there really was something missing, until Cam came back there asking what happened. She was awesome.
Thank you:
The entire cast went in together on some flowers and gift cards for me, which they presented to me after the play. Cam also got me a card, Lindt chocolates, and a hanging basket of flowers. I was touched. (For Cam, the cast put together a scrap book with notes from everyone, and pictures from the first two nights. What an awesome cast this was.)
Forgotten:
I tried to pick up the props and costume pieces I'd brought in, before leaving for the cast party. (Because I have this entire list of things I never got back last year.) I got most of them, but totally forgot about others. This morning, I went in and collected the rest. Mostly. I'd loaned them a couple of fake carrots to help dress the set. You're thinking, "so what? get more". These were nice carrots. I got them years ago in a set with this huge gorgeous cabbage leaf. I use them in my decor in the spring. They're gone. Probably went back with the flats to the Jr High we borrowed those from. I was inordinately fond of these carrots. I will miss them. I don't think I'll find any quite as nice, but I will probably buy too many replacements as I make the attempt. (Also missing an old hanky. I deliberately chose one I was not fond of, just in case, so I'm okay with that. I think.)
For Future Reference:
Can I just tell you? When your son, your son with a healthy beard, is in a play, and he wears heavy makeup for his part, save yourself a lot of trouble, and invest in some good old-fashioned cold cream. Liquid makeup removers, the kind that you use with a cotton pad, just don't do the job. Whiskers tend to shred the cotton pad (something I'd never considered before), and if he's not wearing a "matching" foundation (Twin2 was the Wolf, so his was super dark), you'll know right away how inefficient that swipe of a cotton pad is. Cold cream, warm wet washcloth. It's the only way. Trust me. Might want a good headband to hold his hair back, as well.
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