Thursday, June 10, 2010

Prom Night (part the 2nd)

Which, in a way, could have been, sort of...romantic. But it wasn't.

Which is kind of the point of this. We were working together, just us, for hours on end. We chatted, we collaborated, we tested lights and built us a make-shift "lighting board" (consisting of 4 surge protector power thingies, each with one light of the four plugged into it, since they had to be, as we found out, each on a separate circuit). We blew out a circuit or two (oh, the innuendo possibilities!), and re-routed the cords. We spent almost an entire day together, mostly paying attention to each other while we worked. If anything was going to happen, here was our chance.

And, basically, nothing.

I wonder, if I'd been more "fun", maybe hammed it up a little in the spotlight, would it have turned out differently? Or was he miffed about the night before, and figured "no" meant "not interested" in a permanent sense?

We work well together. I enjoy his company. He's a very nice person. Have I mentioned? I'm a sucker for a man who's not afraid to make a fool of himself. He's not ever uptight. But, I guess, I just don't know how to be like that myself.

I could tell myself that I'm over-analyzing. Or that, "he's still getting over his ex", "he doesn't want to get involved with the mom of one of his students". But, none of that is relevant, really.

In the end, what it comes down to, is this: if he was interested, he'd call, he'd ask me out.

And, that's not happening.

Do I "like" him? I don't know. Well, okay, obviously, I must. At least, a little. Maybe.

Does he "like" me? I think, maybe, he appreciates me. But, after the cast party, where I basically did not really join in on any of the games, (I'm just not comfortable with the whole "party game" thing) maybe he's thinking I'm just not that much fun? Because, well, I'm not. I mean, I can be. Fun, that is. At least, I think I can. I have been, on occasion. I think. (I obviously have some issues here.)

I was not able to just relax and be myself with him.

(further explanations to come...)

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